http://www.hbo.com/scripts/video/vidplayer...8237517+tunein=<full transcripts: George Carlin On Transhumanism>
I’m a modern man
A man for the millennium
Digital and smoke-free
A diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect
I’ve been up linked and downloaded
I’ve been inputted and outsourced
I know the upside of downsizing
I know the downside of upgrading
I’m a hi-tech low-life
A cutting edge state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond
I’m new-wave, but I’m old-school
And my inner child is outward bound
I’m a hot-wired heat seeking warm-hearted cool customer voice activated and bio-degradable
I interface with my database
My database is in cyberspace
So I’m interactive
I’m hyperactive
And from time to time I’m radioactive
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet and pushin' the envelope
I’m on-point on-task on-message and off drugs
I’ve got no need for coke and speed
I've got no urge to binge and purge
I’m in-the-moment on-the-edge over-the-top and under-the-radar
A high-concept low-profile medium-range ballistic missionary
A street-wise smart bomb
A top-gun bottom feeder
I wear power ties
I tell power lies
I take power naps and run victory laps
I’m a totally ongoing big-foot slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach
A raging workaholic
A working rageaholic
Out of rehab and in denial!
I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda
You can’t shut me up
You can’t dumb me down
‘cuz I’m tireless and I’m wireless
I’m an alpha male on beta blockers
I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever laid-back but fashion-forward
Up-front down-home low-rent high-maintenance
Super-sized long-lasting high-definition fast-acting oven-ready and built-to-last
I’m a hands-on foot-loose knee-jerk head case
Prematurely post-traumatic
And I have a love child who sends me hate mail
But... I’m feeling
I’m caring
I’m healing
I’m sharing
A supportive bonding nurturing primary care-giver
My output is down and my income is up
I take a short position on the long bond
And my revenue stream has its own cash-flow
I read junk mail
I eat junk food
I buy junk bonds
And I watch trash sports
I’m gender specific capital intensive user-friendly and lactose intolerant
I like rough sex
I like tough love
I use the “F” word in my emails
And the software on my hard-drive is hardcore -- no soft porn
I bought a microwave in a mini-mall
I bought a minivan in a mega-store
I eat fast food in the slow lane
I’m toll-free byte-sized ready-to-wear
And I come in all sizes
A fully-equipped factory-authorized hospital-tested clinically-proven scientifically-formulated medical miracle
I’ve been pre-washed pre-cooked pre-heated pre-screened pre-approved pre-packaged post-dated freeze-dried double-wrapped vacuum-packed
and… I have an unlimited broadband capacity
I’m a rude dude
But I’m the real deal –-
Lean and mean
Cock-glocked and ready-to-rock
Rough tough and hard to bluff
I take it slow
I go with the flow
I ride with the tide
I’ve got glide in my stride
Drivin' and movin'
Sailin' and spinin'
Jivin' and groovin'
Wailin' and winnin'
I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose
I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road
I party hearty
And lunch time is crunch time
I’m hangin’ in
There ain’t no doubt
And I’m hangin’ tough
Over and out.
